GIVE PEOPLE THEIR SPACE
Yesterday, I had a conference call with about 30 people from all over the United States. We had East Coast, West Coast, way up North and way down South. But what was interesting was how each spoke so confidently about their home state. In addition to our diversity of locales, there was diversity of personalities. The call was only to last for about 30 minutes. So here are some notes I jotted down this morning about yesterday’s call.
First of all, people are territorial. Their lives involve a place that they have existed in, long before they even met you. They will protect and defend that space at all cost. Regardless as to whether that space is good for them or not, that’s their space. People get used to dysfunction, just as people get used to the nicer lifestyles as well. One lady was speaking about living in Houston where it was a wet and muggy 102 degrees. But her enthusiasm about such misery was shocking. She replied, that she wouldn’t live anywhere else in the world. She was used to the heat now. But for those of us who have lived in better climates, we were thinking, YUCK, I’d never live there. But that was her space, and regardless of how we felt about it, we had to give "Houston" that space. At that moment, nothing we said or did would change her mind.
The second thing I noticed was that, even with all this diversity, the agenda had been set by the conference leader. To leave the thirty minutes open to the ideas and thoughts of 30 people from all over the United States would have lengthened the phone call to an unimaginable amount of time. My point is that you don’t change people in short periods of time. Short relationships should never really have the goal of changing another. Short relationships are for agendas that are already set. And once that agenda is complete, then hang up the phone, or rather, end the relationship or start a new contract. People often hope for long term relationships to work while entering them on short-term basis. In fact the conference leader had to at one point reply by saying for those who have specific questions, stay on the line after everyone hangs up or e-mail me. In other words, we can’t accomplish what you want specifically while everyone else is participating for a whole other agenda.
In a nutshell, we must give people their space. Don’t try to control others. Let them be who they are. If they want to change they will, but not because you forced them, but perhaps because you gave them an example to change toward. As a Christian, I don’t think people need to be told to change in a forceful or threatening way. Just live the Love of Christ in front of them, so that they can see your example and want to change for themselves. Well my friends, this is a blog, not a book (smile). If you want to hear more about this let me know, and I’ll pick it up tomorrow, If not, I’ll write about something else. Until next time, GIVE PEOPLE THEIR SPACE!
PEACE!
Yesterday, I had a conference call with about 30 people from all over the United States. We had East Coast, West Coast, way up North and way down South. But what was interesting was how each spoke so confidently about their home state. In addition to our diversity of locales, there was diversity of personalities. The call was only to last for about 30 minutes. So here are some notes I jotted down this morning about yesterday’s call.
First of all, people are territorial. Their lives involve a place that they have existed in, long before they even met you. They will protect and defend that space at all cost. Regardless as to whether that space is good for them or not, that’s their space. People get used to dysfunction, just as people get used to the nicer lifestyles as well. One lady was speaking about living in Houston where it was a wet and muggy 102 degrees. But her enthusiasm about such misery was shocking. She replied, that she wouldn’t live anywhere else in the world. She was used to the heat now. But for those of us who have lived in better climates, we were thinking, YUCK, I’d never live there. But that was her space, and regardless of how we felt about it, we had to give "Houston" that space. At that moment, nothing we said or did would change her mind.
The second thing I noticed was that, even with all this diversity, the agenda had been set by the conference leader. To leave the thirty minutes open to the ideas and thoughts of 30 people from all over the United States would have lengthened the phone call to an unimaginable amount of time. My point is that you don’t change people in short periods of time. Short relationships should never really have the goal of changing another. Short relationships are for agendas that are already set. And once that agenda is complete, then hang up the phone, or rather, end the relationship or start a new contract. People often hope for long term relationships to work while entering them on short-term basis. In fact the conference leader had to at one point reply by saying for those who have specific questions, stay on the line after everyone hangs up or e-mail me. In other words, we can’t accomplish what you want specifically while everyone else is participating for a whole other agenda.
In a nutshell, we must give people their space. Don’t try to control others. Let them be who they are. If they want to change they will, but not because you forced them, but perhaps because you gave them an example to change toward. As a Christian, I don’t think people need to be told to change in a forceful or threatening way. Just live the Love of Christ in front of them, so that they can see your example and want to change for themselves. Well my friends, this is a blog, not a book (smile). If you want to hear more about this let me know, and I’ll pick it up tomorrow, If not, I’ll write about something else. Until next time, GIVE PEOPLE THEIR SPACE!
PEACE!
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