What to do when..."IT'S COMPLICATED"

Do you feel half in the middle and half in the way; half on the floor and half on the wall?  It’s just complicated!  Well join the club.  Most people have something complicated in their lives.  It’s the complicated things that seem to require most of our attention and energy.  Although, something complicated could be a good thing.  It could mean that it is complicated in an intelligible way, which produces powerful results.  Unfortunately, that is not most people’s normal experience with “Complicated”.  For most of us something complicated harasses us, gnaws at us, and even seeks to do us in.  I’d like to explore this further in the context of relationships.  First, let’s break down the word “Complicated”.

The word “Complicated” - means something is complex and difficult, due to many interrelated parts or elements.  Its etymology suggests it is the folding over of multiple strands, as in plaiting or braiding.  The more intricate and detailed the folding over, the harder it is to take a part.  It is because of this multiple and complex weaving, that something becomes so “Complicated”.  Have you ever reached into a box of cords, and they are all tangled together, or looked behind the entertainment center only to discover multiple cords toppled over and under each other?  If anyone were to ask you to explain how they work together, your answer might be, “It’s Complicated!” 

I raise this issue to say that when you’re in a relationship with someone, and there are multiple issues between the two of you that have become interwoven clutter; issues, that fold over and over and over each other again, the relationship gets “COMPLICATED”.  It’s not that each issue is isolated; the problem is that they in some way mesh together.  This is what doesn’t allow you to see which cord to cut, (red wire, blue wire, green wire…smile), and you don’t know where to start to untangle the mess.  It becomes easier just to avoid the tangled cords because it’s too much work.  Or you might decide, as long as the cords are causing the entertainment system to still work, don’t bother it.  But you forget, cords are meant to be straightened out for a reason.  Tangled and meshed cords are a potential for bad signals, scrambled screens, frayed and exposed cords, which could lead to potential shock.  You get the picture (or do you?). 

If you’re in a complicated relationship, you may not be able to untangle it; nor, may it even be worth it.  Here are some words of wisdom.  This blog is not so much about how to untangle the cords as it is to prevent the complication in the first place.  There is no failsafe approach to complicated relationships, they sometimes happen, regardless of the efforts you put in place to prevent them.  But if you apply some of these tools, you will reduce your complications significantly, and you’ll have more positive energy for the relationships that matter most:

1.       Start Fresh – By that I mean, just unplug everything.  It could be that there are newer cords out there with newer and more efficient end-connectors.  Remove the clutter and assess what cords you really need.  Get in relationships with people whose connectors aren’t broken; nor have their inside wiring so readily exposed (you don’t need to know everything about someone on the first date), and people who don’t look like they’ve been tangled up in a mess for years already.

2.       Group Accordingly – This means that you keep cords that do the same thing together.  Don’t mix a ¼ inch cable with an XLR cable, or an HDMI cable with a Speaker cable, (don’t worry if you don’t know what those are…for illustrating purposes only).  Know what cords a person has, and group them together with an understanding of how they will serve the relationship most effectively.  This is not being selfish, this is being knowledgeable of what it is you need, from the beginning.  Don’t waste time trying to figure out what this cord will do, if I plug it in; hence Trial and “Error”.  Know in advance what cords he/she has to offer, and when it’s time to use it, plug it in and it should work.

3.        Select Proper Lengths – Often times, clutter occurs because you have a 50 foot cord for a space that only needs 3 feet of cord.  The excess cord needs to be put somewhere, because you don’t need the additional 47 feet.  Know how long the cords should be in a relationship; this means you have planned ahead.  If you already know you’re moving to another State in 3 months, don’t commit yourself to dating someone who’s talking about being together for the next 5 years in the present City.  That cord is TOO LONG!  You get my point?  Know in advance how long a relationship needs to be when you get into it. 

4.       Secure Cords Wisely – This means when you’re connecting your cords with another, you need to secure them in some way.  You may need some “ties”, or encasings, or tape to “hold things in place”.  This keeps the cords from flowing over into other areas.  It keeps each cord in the place it is supposed to be.  You need this tool when you considering the more serious relationship.  If you’re renting an apartment month to month, don’t secure your cords in a permanent way.  Because, when you get ready to move, “again”, you’re going to have to pay for the damage those permanent efforts left on the wall or floor or fixture…“again”.  Never begin a relationship, with permanent plans.  Only when you know that you own the house, and “can afford to stay there” for a long time, should you begin stapling things to the floor, or building permanent encasings, etc.  But rather, if you know it will be a quick deal, learn how to fold the cords up neatly and put them out of the way, until needed again next time.  No clutter, no mess!

5.       Feed To One Device - Make sure all the cords feed to the same device – Even though your cords have been nicely separated, grouped, have proper lengths, etc.; they will all need to serve the function of a single purpose or device.  By that I mean that the cords are connectors to make something work.  And that something, that needs to work, is called the “Relationship”.   If those cords are tangled, frayed, and exposed; your relationship is going to have bad signals, bad reception, a bad display, and could quite possibly “shock” an innocent person.  People often look at you like you’re a fancy big screen TV, but they have no idea how much clutter is behind that screen. 

6.       No Splitters – Don’t let your cords split off to other devices.  Splitters weaken your signal; which means something else is sharing the strength of your signal.  If you’re feeding multiple devices with one signal, someone is bound to not get the full impact of what could be offered.  Have you ever dated someone who was a Splitter?  Suuuuure you have!  J.  Relationships are meant for just that reason…to “relate”; an incoming signal and an outgoing signal.  Making sure these are between two people only, means that you have a less chance of “Scramble”.  That means “no clear picture”. 

I reiterate, you can do all of these things mentioned above, and still sometimes find yourself in complicated situations.  Sometimes what we perceive as love causes us to be cloud-headed, not clear-headed; and this can be a problem.  But as you mature in life, and apply these principles proactively, I guarantee; you will see less and less complications in your relationships.

As I “wrap” this up (pun intended)J; if you have clutter, and it doesn’t bother you, then this blog isn’t for you.  But I guarantee if you can live in clutter constantly and it doesn’t bother you, then your whole life will be a mess.  But to each, his/her own.

I hope this blog helped you as much as I enjoyed writing it.  Share it with a friend.  You deserve a life that isn’t always complicated…Go for It!

CGSIII

LOVE TO ME

Love is beautiful when it is true. It feels, it breathes…it wants and craves you. It understands you and seeks to know more. How childlike, yet so mature is love; young enough to chase you and old enough to stay. Why must love at times feel as if one has been stricken in heart, bleeding years of the unsaid and unfulfilled yearnings? The candor and whit of peace and harmony between two individuals is overwhelming. The heart aches, because a finite part of the anatomy tries to find a single place for love to reside. We want it to stay this way forever, but we know it can’t be. Love is clandestine. It lives and breathes beyond us. It searches for infant hearts and virgin like cul-de-sacs. It terminates and it begins; it rides the waves, and circles the skies. It travels to the farthest ends of the earth and never really explains itself. It almost always leaves its meaning to the involved; the two who dared to discover truth.

The essence of being with another is love; the drapery and tapestry of beautiful colors and light and purpose together in one place accomplishing the best possible outcome. Tears may accompany my love sometimes of pain and other times of joy. How is it that we can be with so many others and yet feel so misunderstood and estranged? But then, out of nowhere, love finds us amidst an experience we have for years been forcing to evolve. And we have yet to discover that love is like creation, it is born mature, yet has had all the experiences of a youth; it has missed nothing. It brings vibrancy and lament at the same time; and it knows that to enjoy it, you must leave something. We all have begun in one place, what we thought was love, only to discover that true love has not yet found us. But when it does, we must choose. Choose the life of familiar or risk, life of change or same, life of broad or narrow. The pain of the tear and the rip is enough to paralyze a strong man in the peak of his grip, and a subtle and gentle woman in her pool of tears. We don’t always ask for this experience, sometimes it simply befalls us. And there is no question when we experience it; it is what we would want! It must be what we want; this is why it is so alluring. But is it what we need? Can it be found anywhere else in this world? No! Only in this moment do we find the essence of our exposure and vulnerability to another. We call this intimacy.

While to some, once a-go with true love is enough; but to others, once can never be conclusive! They have the double entangle with what is now a familiar friend, instead of a stranger. To the lucky, love sometimes gets away, only to return another day. A different name, a different smell, different laughs and quirky ways, but nonetheless, it is love in its truest and purest form. Love often revisits and rekindles fires that have died down, but have not fizzled out. Oh rhapsody chambers; enlighten me through your corridors of ecstasy and plant me in the life of another’s dreams, so that the legacy of love will live on for my children and my children’s children. May there never be a dearth of this type of enchantment and enrichment. Every human being should experience this unconditional and delightful aspect of life, more fondly known as love. It is in my opinion the highest experience possible for all mankind. Nothing compares to it. Nothing ever has, and nothing ever will. I have seen true love, and yet I still pursue it; not because it is lost, but because it is meant to be shared. Every soul should have a love affair with love. The complete renewal of the spirit, defined in uncharted circumstances. No captain, no stagehands, no deck or crew; just the pure and simple odyssey of love.

Why do we try so hard to protect the wandering soul? Even in freedom, there is always the chance that tonight, maybe today; love will befall even the nomad. We seek to protect because we know the pain and disillusionment of the caricatures that falsely embody love. When the slightest appearance of love implodes our world, our initial response is to be on guard. We ask ourselves, “Is this real?” We instinctively seek to protect, when love does face us. But we can’t protect ourselves from truth; it will gain entry into the very pores of our being. We can’t protect our children from what we know will bring both pain and joy amidst life’s unconditional and unbiased parameters. Love will come, and will share pages and pictures that we haven’t seen, but we have known the truest essence of. While the times are different, the love is the same. It means well to all; but finite man cannot place eternity into that which dies. Love must come and go as it pleases, revolutionizing souls and hearts, cultures and nations. It is a travesty to give up on love; yet a triumph when you finally experience it!

Love! We love you; love us!

Postscript:

We can’t quite possibly understand you, though we try. You can be both elusive and at times evasive. To you, none of us are simple; we are all caveats for your elixir. You bring us joy and teach us change with frequency; and never to hold on to any one thing too long. You give yourself to all, yet to each of us, you are the only one. The realization of togetherness, is finding you or being found by you. Little do we know that when we walk outside, directly in front of us, is you. The bounds of the universe, the interpolation of things to one another shows your work of greatness, inspiring us to leave our domain and walk into your carefully calculated future. Somehow in all this we discover words like destiny and journey and purpose; items of simplicity to you, but a lifetime of searching for us.

Signed,

LoveMire

Just my thoughts at lunch…

Sitting on 15th and H St. in DC, the Nation’s Capital. This is the inner city. A place of work and commerce. People are needed to make it run. I’m listening to Kenny G while journaling. The temperature is nice, you know cool and breezy with an overcast, just before the rain begins, or storm hits. It reminds me of my trip to Jamaica. Ahhhhh the beautiful blue waters and scenery. But today I’m not there physically. Maybe one day soon, maybe one day soon. It’s tourist time where I am, countless families walk the streets, as lost as the dickens, but together, and that’s all that matters. I think often times just being together can cause the biggest of issues to shrink to a very dismal thought. I have three children. WONDERFUL are they all. We aren’t together right now. Sort of like Jamaica, there, but not there physically. True love can’t be killed. I think I’ll text my best friend today and tell him I love him. Physical location cannot be measured to the depth of spiritual presence. We often say things like, “The presence of the Lord is here.” We say this meaning He is present and in the moment, sensed and felt, but not there physically, or is He? God is Spirit, and we being made in His image are spirit. I believe this means we can be in more than one place at a time. There, but not there. There are times that I can sense family, friends, and children more than others. When this occurs I believe spirits cross. Meaning perhaps we think of one another at similar times. Or that our circumstance in life, or the moments so parallel each other, for the moment we have like sensibility. Incredible to know that though far away I can still be there. These are just my thoughts at lunch. May be next time I’ll write about the power of the physical touch. Physicality does have its advantages. However, I’ve often been told that many women have experienced the most intimate times with their mates when it was non-physical. Men are strong on physical, because many lack a depth of understanding and mature grasp of their spirituality. It takes too long to figure that kind of stuff out. Patience is not our (men) strongest trait. But you gotta love us! Burl and brawn, sensitivity and humor; bad enough to be feared, good enough to be loved. It’s the middle of those two that most women vie for; truth be told, men as well. But again these are just my thoughts at lunch.

Definable & Memorable Moments:

Occasionally we run across people that change our lives forever. We don’t know that they will, in fact, as with most we’re pretty skeptical. Nonetheless, we trust our instincts and we embark on an experience or relationship that lasts a lifetime. Who would have thought your high school mates would ever come to hold such a delicate spot in your heart. Think for a moment about those days, and if you’re honest, most of us can remember the good ol’ days and smile. Why are memories so important? Why must we live with things that we can remember at anytime, solicited or unsolicited? I think the answer to that lies in our desire to connect and have meaningful relationships. Most of our lives are lived peripherally. We talk with people everyday, but we don’t know them. We see people, even do business with them repeatedly but we don’t connect. Therefore, when those rare moments occur, when you sense the other person understands you and can relate without explanation, you know you’re in for a real time of expression; operative word being “expression”. We have no problem expressing ourselves to those who understand. It’s those who don’t get it that we shut down and recoil towards. To be honest, most of us probably have more insignificant memories than we do significant ones. This is the case because more insignificant stuff happens in our lives more often than not. But the irony of this is that when you get one good significant memory, it can weigh a ton more than 3,000,000 undefinable moments. The type of memories that occur when you see a picture, hear a song, smell a cologne or perfume. Magic! The sweet bliss of definable moments. I share this with you to encourage you to hold on to your happy thoughts. They will get you through the tough days; and trust me, tough days are a comin’. Be joyful my friends; whoever or whatever gives you warm thoughts, those are your moments. Cherish them and smile until you again experience one of those Definable and Memorable moments....

Peace

God Often Leads, Where There is Need!

In most cases people live from day to day, not knowing where life will lead them. But there are others who have become aware of patterns in their life, and have since become content with its direction. God often leads us where there is need. If you have chosen to partner with your Creator, who by the way had an original and intended purpose for your existence, He will lead you to the best place in which you can be used to satisfy a need. If you listen and pay attention closely; or even just look back over your lives, you will discover that when you were attuned to God, your transitions have been directly connected to the need in someone’s life. It’s not that where you were headed was bad, and you very well could have chosen that route. But somewhere in the course of your efforts in obedience to righteousness, you heeded the call from within, that there is another way I can go and the need for me there is greater. Wow, what a charge, what a call, to actually be needed. Many of us desire to be needed. But if we look at our lives, and our lives are in agreement with God, we will discover that where we are right now is directly related to need. You are on that job because there is a need. You are in that marriage because there is a need. God gave you that child because you were best suited for that need. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not needed. The poster of old used to say Uncle Sam Wants You! But the poster I’m posting today is that God NEEDS You! In the truest sense God doesn’t need anything, but He wills to use what He has created, for His purposes can not fail. God can not create something for which it does not work. This is why we know it is true that God is at work in all things for the good of those who love the Lord and are THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. It has to work out for good. His purposes never fail. So my word to encourage you today is to fear not! Heed the leading and prompting of the Holy Spirit. Don’t fight the change; God is leading you to another need. Once you adequately supply a need, then you must move on to the next assignment. Hallelujah, someone ought to recognize their “Next Assignment”. Full steam ahead and adjust the rudders; hoist the main…God is calling me to another need, for which only I am best equipped. Pray this prayer with me right now. “Lead me Father to the place you desire for my life. I submit today, in Jesus Name!”

And everyone said…AMEN!

Why be encouraged?

Because you are alive! You could be in a hospital bed facing death. You have a computer with internet access, hundreds, even thousands don’t have computers. You can read. Many are illiterate and struggle just to understand their mail. Ultimately things will work out for good to those who love the Lord. Oh yea, baby, He is going to put it all in perspective. Justice will be served. But for now, just knowing that, doesn’t always feel as comforting. Well let me let you in on a little secret. The God of the entire universe cares about you. He is thinking about you every minute of each day (how many times a day do we think of Him???). He has not come to destroy us, but to heal us, of this dreadful existence with sin. Even I at times grow weary. Just last night I cried out to God saying Lord, if you care about me at all, just say something, send a sign or something. Within minutes I got a text from a person I call my personal angel, and the text said “Just thinking of you, (God Is With Us)”. I replied saying, “Are you my sign, did God tell you to think of me?” The reply was, “Know it! Believe It! You see my friend, I believe this was God’s way of saying I care, even though He didn’t have to respond, sometimes He does, simply because He cares. So be encouraged beloved, the day of our King is coming. The day of our salvation is upon us. Walk in His grace and know that no weapon formed against you shall be able to prosper!

C

Truth is eternal movement forward, not a circle…

There are so many thoughts and ideas circulating, one could find themselves changing their mind and direction constantly. Though there are many suggestive proclamations and promises, there is only one truth. We as Believers, citizens and humans, must make a commitment to developing an eye, ear and heart for the truth. Some believe there are no absolutes. However, there must be one thing that remains constant; otherwise, we are all doomed to a cyclical pattern that amounts to meaningless actions. In other words, things just repeat themselves until they find their beginning again. I will be the first to admit that I enjoy starting things from the beginning, but not the same things again and again and again. But as I live, I continue to discover, that truth, once truly discovered is meaningfull, and stable and substantive. It seems to point toward a place far beyond a cyclical repetitive motion. It leads us somewhere. It takes us to a place within ourselves, and outside of ourselves that ebbs us toward things like patience, kindness, love, forgiveness, activism, change, etc. There are semblances of truth, and at times it seems easier to follow the semblances rather than being committed to the task of discovering the whole truth. The great deception of life is not often found in the outright lies or falsities of life, but rather in the things that have just enough truth to get you to believe it. It is when we believe it, that we begin to go astray. The quest for truth however, can be costly. It doesn’t hide, nor is it intentionally being evasive, but rather it is right upon us. To discover truth, one has to become vulnerable, make sacrifices, take risks to see if it pans out to be what it says it is. Who wants life with all that risk? Many would rather let others write about truth and just take their word for it and live life on the safe side. This is why many church goers simply accept what the teacher says, without confirming it as truth through further personal study and research. Consequently, when things go wrong in life, who do they blame??? The person they committed to follow! We must not be accepters only; we must be diligent searchers and doers of truth as well. While there is no guarantee, that once you begin to discover and develop discernment for truth, that life gets increasingly better for you; there is a guarantee that truth will lead you to freedom. Freedom is a place to live with your choices without regret. Truth takes you places you may not want to go before you get to the place it intends for us all. It lets you see pain so you can respect it, not fear it. It lets you experience losses so you can appreciate life not sorrow in it. It lets you see poverty so you’ll be moved to add to society, not take from it. Truth can be a temporary immobilizer. It will cause you to pause and ask the meaning of yours and other’s existence. Does life really matter anyway? Of course it does, but it matters because of a truth spoken years and years ago. That God created man in His image. God is Truth, hence we must conclude that life matters as we embrace the truth. I encourage you to develop your senses toward the truth, not the half lies, and hopefully as many of us as possible will arrive to that place of unity, respect, love, honor, significance and peace.

Love every man…