What to do when..."IT'S COMPLICATED"

Do you feel half in the middle and half in the way; half on the floor and half on the wall?  It’s just complicated!  Well join the club.  Most people have something complicated in their lives.  It’s the complicated things that seem to require most of our attention and energy.  Although, something complicated could be a good thing.  It could mean that it is complicated in an intelligible way, which produces powerful results.  Unfortunately, that is not most people’s normal experience with “Complicated”.  For most of us something complicated harasses us, gnaws at us, and even seeks to do us in.  I’d like to explore this further in the context of relationships.  First, let’s break down the word “Complicated”.

The word “Complicated” - means something is complex and difficult, due to many interrelated parts or elements.  Its etymology suggests it is the folding over of multiple strands, as in plaiting or braiding.  The more intricate and detailed the folding over, the harder it is to take a part.  It is because of this multiple and complex weaving, that something becomes so “Complicated”.  Have you ever reached into a box of cords, and they are all tangled together, or looked behind the entertainment center only to discover multiple cords toppled over and under each other?  If anyone were to ask you to explain how they work together, your answer might be, “It’s Complicated!” 

I raise this issue to say that when you’re in a relationship with someone, and there are multiple issues between the two of you that have become interwoven clutter; issues, that fold over and over and over each other again, the relationship gets “COMPLICATED”.  It’s not that each issue is isolated; the problem is that they in some way mesh together.  This is what doesn’t allow you to see which cord to cut, (red wire, blue wire, green wire…smile), and you don’t know where to start to untangle the mess.  It becomes easier just to avoid the tangled cords because it’s too much work.  Or you might decide, as long as the cords are causing the entertainment system to still work, don’t bother it.  But you forget, cords are meant to be straightened out for a reason.  Tangled and meshed cords are a potential for bad signals, scrambled screens, frayed and exposed cords, which could lead to potential shock.  You get the picture (or do you?). 

If you’re in a complicated relationship, you may not be able to untangle it; nor, may it even be worth it.  Here are some words of wisdom.  This blog is not so much about how to untangle the cords as it is to prevent the complication in the first place.  There is no failsafe approach to complicated relationships, they sometimes happen, regardless of the efforts you put in place to prevent them.  But if you apply some of these tools, you will reduce your complications significantly, and you’ll have more positive energy for the relationships that matter most:

1.       Start Fresh – By that I mean, just unplug everything.  It could be that there are newer cords out there with newer and more efficient end-connectors.  Remove the clutter and assess what cords you really need.  Get in relationships with people whose connectors aren’t broken; nor have their inside wiring so readily exposed (you don’t need to know everything about someone on the first date), and people who don’t look like they’ve been tangled up in a mess for years already.

2.       Group Accordingly – This means that you keep cords that do the same thing together.  Don’t mix a ¼ inch cable with an XLR cable, or an HDMI cable with a Speaker cable, (don’t worry if you don’t know what those are…for illustrating purposes only).  Know what cords a person has, and group them together with an understanding of how they will serve the relationship most effectively.  This is not being selfish, this is being knowledgeable of what it is you need, from the beginning.  Don’t waste time trying to figure out what this cord will do, if I plug it in; hence Trial and “Error”.  Know in advance what cords he/she has to offer, and when it’s time to use it, plug it in and it should work.

3.        Select Proper Lengths – Often times, clutter occurs because you have a 50 foot cord for a space that only needs 3 feet of cord.  The excess cord needs to be put somewhere, because you don’t need the additional 47 feet.  Know how long the cords should be in a relationship; this means you have planned ahead.  If you already know you’re moving to another State in 3 months, don’t commit yourself to dating someone who’s talking about being together for the next 5 years in the present City.  That cord is TOO LONG!  You get my point?  Know in advance how long a relationship needs to be when you get into it. 

4.       Secure Cords Wisely – This means when you’re connecting your cords with another, you need to secure them in some way.  You may need some “ties”, or encasings, or tape to “hold things in place”.  This keeps the cords from flowing over into other areas.  It keeps each cord in the place it is supposed to be.  You need this tool when you considering the more serious relationship.  If you’re renting an apartment month to month, don’t secure your cords in a permanent way.  Because, when you get ready to move, “again”, you’re going to have to pay for the damage those permanent efforts left on the wall or floor or fixture…“again”.  Never begin a relationship, with permanent plans.  Only when you know that you own the house, and “can afford to stay there” for a long time, should you begin stapling things to the floor, or building permanent encasings, etc.  But rather, if you know it will be a quick deal, learn how to fold the cords up neatly and put them out of the way, until needed again next time.  No clutter, no mess!

5.       Feed To One Device - Make sure all the cords feed to the same device – Even though your cords have been nicely separated, grouped, have proper lengths, etc.; they will all need to serve the function of a single purpose or device.  By that I mean that the cords are connectors to make something work.  And that something, that needs to work, is called the “Relationship”.   If those cords are tangled, frayed, and exposed; your relationship is going to have bad signals, bad reception, a bad display, and could quite possibly “shock” an innocent person.  People often look at you like you’re a fancy big screen TV, but they have no idea how much clutter is behind that screen. 

6.       No Splitters – Don’t let your cords split off to other devices.  Splitters weaken your signal; which means something else is sharing the strength of your signal.  If you’re feeding multiple devices with one signal, someone is bound to not get the full impact of what could be offered.  Have you ever dated someone who was a Splitter?  Suuuuure you have!  J.  Relationships are meant for just that reason…to “relate”; an incoming signal and an outgoing signal.  Making sure these are between two people only, means that you have a less chance of “Scramble”.  That means “no clear picture”. 

I reiterate, you can do all of these things mentioned above, and still sometimes find yourself in complicated situations.  Sometimes what we perceive as love causes us to be cloud-headed, not clear-headed; and this can be a problem.  But as you mature in life, and apply these principles proactively, I guarantee; you will see less and less complications in your relationships.

As I “wrap” this up (pun intended)J; if you have clutter, and it doesn’t bother you, then this blog isn’t for you.  But I guarantee if you can live in clutter constantly and it doesn’t bother you, then your whole life will be a mess.  But to each, his/her own.

I hope this blog helped you as much as I enjoyed writing it.  Share it with a friend.  You deserve a life that isn’t always complicated…Go for It!

CGSIII