What to do when..."IT'S COMPLICATED"
Do you feel half in the middle and half in the way; half on
the floor and half on the wall? It’s
just complicated! Well join the
club. Most people have something
complicated in their lives. It’s the
complicated things that seem to require most of our attention and energy. Although, something complicated could be a
good thing. It could mean that it is
complicated in an intelligible way, which produces powerful results. Unfortunately, that is not most people’s normal experience with “Complicated”. For most of us something complicated harasses
us, gnaws at us, and even seeks to do us in.
I’d like to explore this further in the context of relationships. First, let’s break down the word “Complicated”.
The word “Complicated” - means something is complex and difficult,
due to many interrelated parts or elements.
Its etymology suggests it is the folding over of multiple strands, as in
plaiting or braiding. The more intricate
and detailed the folding over, the harder it is to take a part. It is because of this multiple and complex weaving,
that something becomes so “Complicated”.
Have you ever reached into a box of cords, and they are all tangled
together, or looked behind the entertainment center only to discover multiple
cords toppled over and under each other?
If anyone were to ask you to explain how they work together, your answer
might be, “It’s Complicated!”
I raise this issue to say that when you’re in a relationship
with someone, and there are multiple issues between the two of you that have
become interwoven clutter; issues, that fold over and over and over each other
again, the relationship gets “COMPLICATED”. It’s not that each issue is isolated; the
problem is that they in some way mesh together.
This is what doesn’t allow you to see which cord to cut, (red wire, blue
wire, green wire…smile), and you don’t know where to start to untangle the mess. It becomes easier just to avoid the tangled
cords because it’s too much work. Or you
might decide, as long as the cords are causing the entertainment system to
still work, don’t bother it. But you
forget, cords are meant to be straightened out for a reason. Tangled and meshed cords are a potential for
bad signals, scrambled screens, frayed and exposed cords, which could lead to potential
shock. You get the picture (or do you?).
If you’re in a complicated relationship, you may not be able
to untangle it; nor, may it even be worth it.
Here are some words of wisdom. This
blog is not so much about how to untangle the cords as it is to prevent the
complication in the first place. There
is no failsafe approach to complicated relationships, they sometimes happen,
regardless of the efforts you put in place to prevent them. But if you apply some of these tools, you
will reduce your complications significantly, and you’ll have more positive
energy for the relationships that matter most:
1.
Start Fresh – By that I mean, just unplug
everything. It could be that there are
newer cords out there with newer and more efficient end-connectors. Remove the clutter and assess what cords you
really need. Get in relationships with
people whose connectors aren’t broken; nor have their inside wiring so readily
exposed (you don’t need to know everything about someone on the first date), and
people who don’t look like they’ve been tangled up in a mess for years already.
2.
Group Accordingly – This means that you keep
cords that do the same thing together.
Don’t mix a ¼ inch cable with an XLR cable, or an HDMI cable with a
Speaker cable, (don’t worry if you don’t know what those are…for illustrating purposes
only). Know what cords a person has, and
group them together with an understanding of how they will serve the
relationship most effectively. This is
not being selfish, this is being knowledgeable of what it is you need, from the
beginning. Don’t waste time trying to
figure out what this cord will do, if I plug it in; hence Trial and “Error”. Know in advance what cords he/she has to
offer, and when it’s time to use it, plug it in and it should work.
3.
Select Proper
Lengths – Often times, clutter occurs because you have a 50 foot cord for a
space that only needs 3 feet of cord.
The excess cord needs to be put somewhere, because you don’t need the
additional 47 feet. Know how long the
cords should be in a relationship; this means you have planned ahead. If you already know you’re moving to another
State in 3 months, don’t commit yourself to dating someone who’s talking about
being together for the next 5 years in the present City. That cord is TOO LONG! You get my point? Know in advance how long a relationship needs
to be when you get into it.
4.
Secure Cords Wisely – This means when you’re
connecting your cords with another, you need to secure them in some way. You may need some “ties”, or encasings, or
tape to “hold things in place”. This
keeps the cords from flowing over into other areas. It keeps each cord in the place it is supposed
to be. You need this tool when you
considering the more serious relationship.
If you’re renting an apartment month to month, don’t secure your cords
in a permanent way. Because, when you
get ready to move, “again”, you’re going to have to pay for the damage those
permanent efforts left on the wall or floor or fixture…“again”. Never begin a relationship, with permanent
plans. Only when you know that you own
the house, and “can afford to stay there” for a long time, should you begin
stapling things to the floor, or building permanent encasings, etc. But rather, if you know it will be a quick
deal, learn how to fold the cords up neatly and put them out of the way, until
needed again next time. No clutter, no
mess!
5.
Feed To One Device - Make sure all the cords
feed to the same device – Even though your cords have been nicely separated,
grouped, have proper lengths, etc.; they will all need to serve the function of
a single purpose or device. By that I
mean that the cords are connectors to make something work. And that something, that needs to work, is
called the “Relationship”. If those
cords are tangled, frayed, and exposed; your relationship is going to have bad
signals, bad reception, a bad display, and could quite possibly “shock” an
innocent person. People often look at
you like you’re a fancy big screen TV, but they have no idea how much clutter
is behind that screen.
6.
No Splitters – Don’t let your cords split off to
other devices. Splitters weaken your signal;
which means something else is sharing the strength of your signal. If you’re feeding multiple devices with one
signal, someone is bound to not get the full impact of what could be offered. Have you ever dated someone who was a
Splitter? Suuuuure you have! J. Relationships are meant for just that reason…to
“relate”; an incoming signal and an outgoing signal. Making sure these are between two people
only, means that you have a less chance of “Scramble”. That means “no clear picture”.
I reiterate, you can do all of these things mentioned above,
and still sometimes find yourself in complicated situations. Sometimes what we perceive as love causes us
to be cloud-headed, not clear-headed; and this can be a problem. But as you mature in life, and apply these
principles proactively, I guarantee; you will see less and less complications
in your relationships.
As I “wrap” this up (pun intended)J; if you have clutter, and it
doesn’t bother you, then this blog isn’t for you. But I guarantee if you can live in clutter
constantly and it doesn’t bother you, then your whole life will be a mess. But to each, his/her own.
I hope this blog helped you as much as I enjoyed writing
it. Share it with a friend. You deserve a life that isn’t always
complicated…Go for It!
CGSIII
